When my heart cries

Some nights I wake up and my heart cries. Like last night. I went to a collge class I'm taking last night, came home, checked my email and went to bed. I woke up and something felt so wrong. I could not grasp what was wrong. I was very upset though. I prayed that the Lord would give me rest in my soul but I still felt so empty. So lost for some reason. I thought about my day and then I realized something that had happened that had hurt. And it still was hurting. My tears started buring and I was reminded of pain that came to me a few months ago. Words that really hurt and most of all pain that came from them. More than the tears on my check, there was pain in my heart. Oh the pain. Oh the stress

opened my bible to a familar verse I had underlined:

  Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
(Matthew 11:28-30 ESV)

Oh the sweet words of Jesus in my soul. How my thirsty soul cries out in pain and the relief my Savior brings. For truly personal reason I wish not to explore on what I was in pain about but I will just say I was once on the top of my mountain and then tossed to the bottom and the pain on the way down was unbearable. And my hands are so scared and my face so brusied I cannot try to get back to the top of my world. To where I was happy and right. But God has a place for me in this valley and I will find it and I will rejoice in pain for His sake.

I wish to enter the narrow gate of life. I know it seems crazy but in the narrow gate is pain, and death, and there is so ease but I will enter because the reward is great. He is my reward. My God. My Savior. My Christ. My Joy. My laughter. My Faith.

 “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.
 
(Matthew 7:13-14 ESV)

Life is not going to be easy.

I have really learned that in the past year. I have been going through a lot and I know life on the narrow path is not easy at all. But it's so worth it. Much like purity in a way. Hard but worth it. Absoluetly worth it.

I am His. It's who I am and everything I ever wanted to be. Ever. His beautiful, amazing, dove. His perfect one. His daughter. I once was a wrench. A sinner. A girl who had wandered so far she was dead in her sin but all this leads to the one greatest sentence I could ever write on this blog ever: He saved me. I was once lost but now I am found and everytime my heart cries I find rest in His name. The struggles are hard but I will remain faithful til the end.

In the film Amazing Grace, John Newton saids perhaps my favorite quote of all time:

“Although my memory's fading, I remember two things very clearly: I am a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior.”

What truth! Oh there is no better words then those. He is a great savior. My rest lies in him. The real John Newton once said the following words, which mean the world to me:

. I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am. - John Newton

Oh, the beauty! :):):)

Yet Christians who submit their lives fully to Christ will not find rest on this earth, but one day when they are finally alive in heave.

One last quote:

Far from it! We can only achieve perfect liberty and enjoy fellowship with Jesus when His command, His call to absolute discipleship, is appreciated in its entirety. Only the man who follows the command of Jesus without reserve, and submits unresistingly to His yoke, finds his burden easy, and under its gentle pressure receives the power to persevere in the right way. The command of Jesus is hard-unutterably hard-for those who try to resist it.
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Struggle in life. Peace in God.

p.s. 31 followers? I am truly thankful and hope to have many more someday :)