a love story

A lot of you guys have asked about the guy I am courting right now.

So here, I tell you the story of a girl, boy, lot's of coffee, a small island, and a really big God.

I met this guy in elementary school, and we didn't really hang out. When I was in 8th grade we became good friends. And I fell hard for him. I loved him, but tried to guard at the same time. It was hard because I knew he liked this other girl. So I'd write him letters in my journal, like this one:

Dear Green Eyes,

I think you would be surprised to know you've captured my heart like a theif. You stole it gradually. I cry myself to sleep. I cannot move on, I am stuck liking you. And how I love you! I guess most people would say I am insane but the smell of you captivates me like crazy. My heart is so wild when you barely touch me. Everything about you---your hair, your eyes, your face---shines like the sun in a gloomy place. Everything you've done is innocence to me. I'd love you if you were 100 or 17. I'll love you forever. I'll write my songs for you. I'll pray for your health and I'll hope God will get you through. I can't stop thinking of me and you. None of this ever happened. It never will. None of this might be God's will. I hope you remember that forever. One day perhaps you'll tell me you love me forever, if God wills it, we will be together. and dream.

so this is me finshing how I feel. You'll never read it but still I trying to let go. I'm desprately trying. But inside I ache.

~ Me.

 

Of course I never sent them, but I sure wanted too. When I was in 9th grade he asked me to dance for the first time at a party. The letter I wrote the next day was quite lovesick:

 

Dear _______,

Today something happened that has never happened before. You asked me to dance. In those few precious moments I did something I have never done before. I feel in love. In love with you. It was like you were the only real thing in the world and your giant eyes looked at me with such a look I got all fuzzy inside. I felt the hopeless romantic feelings return and my heart begain to dance inside of me.

Tonight as I was walking the dog(I hate her by the way) I could not stop dreaming of you. Your perfect smile. Your gorgeous laugh. I was so in love I could not sleep. SO I wrote you this letter. A lovesick letter from a lovesick girl.

Tomorrow is the next day of school. Even though it won't be a dance party like last night, it will be for me.
Can't wait to see you there.

Your lovesick girl,
Maya M.

These one-sided feelings went on forever. Then one day he moved away from our island home and went to something called college. So I missed him and missed him. We'd write and I just waited in fear for the day when he would write to say he had a girlfriend. But he never did. There were rough moments when I'd give up on him or fall in love with someone else, but it was always back to him.

Around the time I was 17, we started writing hand-written letters to each other and it was a lot of fun and I felt like I was holding to something that wasn't there. I sturggled a lot.

A few months ago we spent some time together and he ended up asking me if I was interested in praying to see if God wanted us together. I was overwhelmed and didn't say anything. I couldn't believe the guy I'd wanted and loved for so long was actually confessing his love to me.

So I spent the next few months praying to God if a courtship was His plan for me and him.

The next summer we went a mission trip together with some others. It was hard being with him all the time, I was sure he didn't like me anymore.

 

So one morning I went down to the  beach and prayed for almost an hour and wrote down in my journal, "Lord, whoever you have for me, whenever that might be....let them come in your timing. Because I give my love life to you."

 

Later that day, he asked me out to a cafe' in Germany and told me there he truly had feelings for me and been praying. He was shocked I told him I was doing the same. Apparantly all these years he had no idea I loved him. And he had liked me too all this time and I had no idea. It was a moment I'd wanted for forever.  

So the past few months have been filled with rain showers, happiness, and laughter. Every day I love him more and miss him more when he's not by my side. But I am trusting God through every moment.

And that's it. For now ;)