Dear Twenty Year Old Self

Dear Self in Two Years,
I know your lifes probably busy, but I'm so glad you took the time  to look back and read this. My heart can't help sort of wondering what your doing right now. What adventure is life taking you on? Are you sitting in an office somewhere doing something boring? Are you happily married in an apartment in Germany? Are you still nannying? Are you on a college campus someplace? Are you sitting on the shore?

I hope you've learned to be fearless. Not unafraid, but not afriad to be afraid. I know you understand what I'm saying.

I wonder if your wondering when this was written. Right now, it's october when I'm writing this, a month of peace. A month of feelings. I don't think I will be able to make it through. I can't help thinking of last October. I know it's been three years when you read this, but for me it hasn't even been a full year and it hurts so bad. Last october was the worst month in exsitence. But God was faithful. Tell me you still say that with peace, thinking of the strums of that song in that horrid place.

I wonder what your relationship status is. I mean, is he still there? I love him really terrible right now. I hope I still do. I truly wonder if your married now, or if your single. Or if there's someone else.

Never forget who you are. Your me. Never stop playing the guitar. Never stop loving. Never think of last October without tears. Never forget sitting on the beach, thinking. Never stop cracking up at the worst times. Never stop being imperfect. Never stop being awkward. Never forget anything. Treaure every memory. Love everyone. Forgive, but never forget.

Never stay on the edge again. Dive headfirst. Don't drown, but swim strong. And if it isn't like you imagined, don't regret. Never regret what seemed right at the time.

Whatever seems hard at the moment, remember Germany and remember how beautiful life is. Remember it's always ok in the end, and if it's not okay...it's not the end. I know you know it's going to be ok. It always is.

Take time to sit alone and remember memories, today. Slow down and just love. Don't let life speed up the moment's that need to last forever.

This is a letter is a jumble, but I have to remind myself it's myself I'm writing to. And heck I understand.

Happy October 5th, 20 year old self.

Love, your eighteen year old self.