I remember a time when blogging was so easy, when writing was so natural. It's funny how many hours I spent writing about things not very important and now that my life is must more interesting I barely have time to write.
But I guess that's just life.
I'm moving again. It's crazy and my third big move in a year. Honestly, I have no idea what to call home anymore but I think through this change God is teaching me my home is not here. I'll never really find home here, because it isn't. Home is God. Home is Heaven. And Lord, I'm coming. I'm coming so soon. My life will flash before my eyes, and very soon I shall be in front of your throne and understand the struggles that seemed so hard.
In all, I got a new job as a nanny for two precious kids in North Carolina. Honestly, I am thrilled because it means I'll only be an half hour from my Mom and siblings. At the same time it means I'll have to learn to have a long-distance relationship with Will, which breaks my heart. God put me minutes from his house with my last nanny job, which is crazy since I looked for jobs all over the country. But God put me in a place near to him, and now he is putting me somewhere else. It's hard, really hard, but I trust God and dream that very soon Will and I can spend the rest of our lives together. No more separation. But now God has us apart. And He will be faithful again to us.
This is my last night in this little town, and I honestly I can't describe the memories it's held for me. Tomorrow, I'll pack up and move to the next place I shall call home.
Last night, I went outside and looked at the stars. I cried and I prayed. I don't want to leave. I don't want to move on. I don't want to see what's next. I found myself angry at God. Hasn't he put enough change and suffering in my life? Can't he give me some peace?
And God spoke to me.
Very soon. Very soon. One day, I shall wipe every tear from your eye. One day you shall see my full glory.
I wept. I saw my fault. I didn't fully trust God had a beautiful plan for me. I saw that He loved me so much, He took things away in order I'd learn to trust Him more.
Love is not glorious. Life is painful. But God is love and God is life. We live in a fallen world, but he is preparing a new home for us. How beautiful it shall be!
When Will and I were in Germany on a train one night, the song Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley came on. Never in my life had I heard that song before. I found tears in my eyes. It was the most beautiful song I'd ever heard. Will and I decided that it would be our song. It's not romantic, and it's not the usual song a couple picks for their song. But for us, it's perfect. As song saids, "Love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken Hallelujah." We know our lives aren't going to be a beautiful victory, but two lives broken by the world but trusting God.
So as I spend my last night here, I'm afraid of change. But God's brought me here before, and I know He will only be more faithful than ever in this new change.
May His glory be filled among the earth!