When I was a freshman, I thought I would grow up, not like anyone, and one day find a perfect future husband and court him for three months then get married. I was taught rules as stay in your perfect little sheltered home until some guy comes and rescues you. I was taught God doesn't give us husbands until were perfectly satisfied in him. Later, I learned these beliefs to be non-biblical (see more on this post) but at the time I started liking Will I was still in this mindset.
This left me confused. I wasn't sure, for the next couple of months, what I believed or how I felt. I just knew one thing. I liked this boy. A lot.
We became good friends after doing the talent show together (we still to this day have no idea whose idea it was to do that act in the first place) and I was filled with a sickening "I don't want to feel this way!" feeling every single time I saw him. I knew he didn't like me back, but I dreamed he might some day.
Our beach trips continued. I liked him more and more, as he would play his guitar and he would just look so handsome. I was torn. Everything I had believed my whole life was suddenly twisted around into a confusing pit. I had told myself I wouldn't like anyone. Yet, here I was.
Then, came spring. I can remember that one day as clear as I can remember this morning. A bunch of kids were meeting to get coffee. I sat there, sipping my coffee talking to my friend Sophie when he walked through the door with his sister. There was happiness in his eyes.
"Guess what," he said, sitting right next to me and addressing the entire group. He later went on to say he had been accepted to college...and a college 6 hours away.I smiled for him, said congratulations, and as soon as the meeting was over I rushed home.
I fell on my bed and cried. All the faint dreams in my mind of us possibly being anything had been thrown away. He was moving. Six hours away. I was going to miss him, so very much.
That's when the phone rang. It was my best friend Lauren. She asked me to come over to her house to spend the night. I did and I spent the night telling her everything about my feelings for Will... everything I had been so ashamed to tell anyone before. With someone else knowing the pain I had felt, I felt slightly less burdened.
That June, Will moved away. We had a goodbye party at his house. There was a campfire like old days. I spent the night talking with my friends and trying to not to think about Will so much. When it was time to go, Will came over to me and my brother Jeremy to say goodbye. He hugged me for the first time that night. He also said some goodbyes to us, but I can't remember what he said.
I do remember going home, smelling like a campfire, and sinking into my covers. I felt more lonely than ever. That night I prayed, "Dear Lord, if it's your will for us to be together, then let it be. If not, help me to trust and understand your plan."
After that night, even though I missed Will badly, I trusted God. I knew he had a plan beyond my understanding.
So fall came and so did my Sophomore year of high school. While I still had a few lingering feelings, I pushed the idea of me and Will out of my mind. I did find myself playing "Your Beautiful" on the guitar often, scrolling through his college facebook posts and pictures, and missing him lots of nights.
But I kept reminding myself it was a stupid high school crush I was getting over. The more he was away, the less I liked him. For the first time, I felt free again.
Then one day I got a email. It was from a certain Will at college. This would change it all.
To be continued...
P.S. For those who were asking, the wedding date is April 20th (yay!). I am currently writing a post on more of those details. Love you all!