what is like to be infinite?

Listening to Beam me Up by P!nk
Loving this post. And this one just as much.


Time. It's the past. It's the present. It's the future. It's a measure.


I am a human being. My life is limited by time. I don't think I've ever truly grasped that my whole exsitence is only a  fragement of time. I don't think I've grasped the fact I will one day be gone from this world. The only thing I've grasped is Christ is infinite, therefore in Him we are forever. In His Kingdom, there is no ending.

I was rambling about this to my soul-sister the other night and she said,

"What is like to be infinite?"

I had no anwser.

About half an hour later we were at a worship night at Chruch, that was powerful. While the band was finishing up one of the most powerful songs, I leaned over to her and whispered, "This is what it feels like to be infinite."

Feeling completely drenched in the Glory of God. That is my forever.

Don't Even Know Why//Define Character

It's funny how everyone is always saying all this stuff about losing yourself in the culture and becoming someone you aren't. But I think it's sort of impossible to lose yourself. Actually you can't. You can trick yourself to believing lies about yourself, but always if you look inside you see the same you.

I was thinking about this last night. I'd packed up my dinner, a book, my i-pod, and my journal and spent the night sitting on the train tracks and having the best friday night ever. It was one of those happy moments. As I watched the sunset I remembered a 16 year old me who would go down to the beach every night with a friend and watch the sunset.

I was different then.

Mostly because I'd grown to want to be one of the crowd. I'd changed things I thought were bad. Now, I realize those weren't bad things. Those were me things.

Sure, I've changed. But if you go inside deep I have the same soul the sixteen year old me had.

I never want to lose the true me. The same girl who is desprately in love with the ocean, quite out-going, sporty, bold, and pretty out-going. Sure, there are things I plain hate about myself. I wish I hadn't said half the things I said when I was in school. Well...you know? In books, every character makes mistakes. Even the hero's. We all have flaws to overcome, but the good parts of the hero is always what makes it strong. The weak things just help us get stronger.

Sometimes I even forget the character I am fighting to be, but I want to continue to fight to define the girl I want to be.

kinds of happy

//Listening To Our July in The Rain by He is We//
//Currently watching fall trasform the world from the comfy place of my window//

//re-playing a favorite verse of your favorite song over and over

//watching my favorite television show from highschool and still laughing aloud

//wearing converse

//nostalgia that perfectly hurts

//the first sip of a wonderful warm drink

//the first year I have no big papers to weep about with my fellow blogger peeps

//how mumford and sons are becoming a favorite thing of mine

//listening to taylor  so country new song that came out yesterday

//reading journal. getting chills. crying. reading more.

//eating gelato downtown with a bestie

//when the perfect song comes on at the perfect time you need it

//pumpkin spice lattes made by my favorite boy

//hall of fame (the script) making it's way to like my favorite song

//this movie. it will rock my world

//new books to read

//when a conversation just gets awkward

//playing and singing at a dance

//when spell check highlights "ohmyfreakinggosh" as a mispelled world. no way...


Hope your having your own kinds of happy today, girls.

smiles, maya

Forever is a long time, but I wouldn't mind spending it with you

//Listening to Mumford and Son's//
Currently sitting in my room drinking a mocha for sbucks, with a certain 6 year old cuddled up next me drawing.//

Via WeHeartit

I've been,dating/courting/whatever two and half months. I've learned a whole heck about love.

I don't want be a girl who just talks about guys, but I felt like I haven't written about my thoughts on it in my life lately. So I was all girly and wrote this up.

I can still remember before getting into my current relationship asking a dear friend, "But what if it doesn't work out?"
And she just looked at me and said, "But what if it does?"

I'm a believer in providence and I know everything happens for a reason. And right now I know he's made me this feel so wonderful I can't imagine a time before I loved him. Loving someone is an adventure and apart from your Christian walk, it's the greatest adventure in the world. And having someone who truly loves Christ is what makes our relationship focused on Him not us. And I don't think every girl has an amazing guy who is correcting her and showing manly leadership. I remember asking him on one of our first dates to just be a guy. Not a immature boy or a too mature man, but a real honest guy. He's been wonderful.
I don't want it to sound like it's perfection. It isn't. It's no where near perfection. We've had our millions of issues and problems.

That's the thing about love. It cracks. It burns. It's hurts...terrible. But real love survives the trials. Fake love can't make it through rough times. I know. It's had my share of heartbreaks. And I'll be honest, I've had my share of guys I've fallen for. Even though I've liked my boy since I was in middle school, I've had my share of other things along way. I've stepped in love so many times. But it's taken me this long to fall head-first into it. And ohmyfreakinggosh I am so glad I waited during my teen years. A relationship takes up a lot that I wasn't near ready for back then.

A friend asked me the other day if I thought we'd get married. I honestly have no idea. We'll see. I'm still a fresh girl of eighteen with no solid plans and he's still a college student with no solid plans for his. Sure, we've talked about it a lot. But we are still praying to God for wisdom in this part of our lives, because this is the biggest descion we could ever make.

And for you guys wondering how I feel? I'd walk down the isle tomorrow if I could...

I don't know if this is gonna last forever. But I know God is in control. Everything could change in a moment, but for now I'm living on memories of drinking coffee in his car in the pouring rain and sitting by the lake the first time we held hands.

Being a Christ-centered relationship makes everything so sweet, but I have also learned nothing beats the love of the savior.

Forever ist eine lange Zeit, aber ich hätte nichts dagegen, verbringen Sie es mit Sie!
Smiles, Maya

Thanks for the Memories

That's the thing about life. It goes by so fast you can't control it. It's a bullet train. But it leaves it whispers like everything does. Relationships leave their stains, people leave their stories, time leaves it's rust. And life leaves it memories. I can't ever go back to the places and times I really want to go back to, but I can remember them. Because sometimes I miss people and places that aren't there anymore or are far away. But life? Thanks for the memories.

Kiss the world goodbye, it's time to fly away home

{Via}

There is some sort of contentment fall always brings for me. Summer is always exciting, full of adventures. Winter is always when the blizzards of the world and life blow. Spring is the state of growth and change. And fall is perfect. It comes slowly, but it does come. All things come, just not the way we expect.

I spent this week home. Well, I guess it's not home anymore. This is my first fall away from my family and with me being sick it seemed like the perfect opportunity to get-away. There is nothing like coming home and smelling the same old smell that brings back so much. There is nothing like hugging your little sister and kissing your little brother's face. When I see them again, a flood of memories re-visits me.

I missed my family. I've moved a thousand times, but still there is something about going home simply because they are there. A house doesn't make a home, a family does.

Sleeping in my old bed and walking those hallways opened a window I hadn't touched in forever. A window I didn't want to re-visit. I didn't realize I missed so much until I was there to be with it again. You forget how beautiful memories are until you remember them so clearly.

But sometimes, as sweet as memories are, that window doesn't make me want to go back as much as it wants me to go forward. I look back at the person I once was, and am glad God has brought me this far to new adventures and new shores. And I simply can't wait to see the next road he'll set me on and ask me to call my home for now. This fall I am not wanting anything but where I am.

Things will change. But sometimes it's time to kiss the world goodbye and fly away to the next place God wants us to call home. It often takes a window from the past to help us to see that.

Smiles, Maya

Dear Boys, Love the girl who write these letters...

Dear Boys,
Hey...I like writing to you.
Love,
the girl who writes these letters.

Dear Girls,
Writing to you is just...not as fun.
Love,
The girl who would rather write to guys.

Dear Boy,
And don't tell anyone but your my most favorite to write to.
So let's go back to drinking coffee in your car in the rain,
Because I am pretty sure that was the most romantic thing ever...
Love,
The girl who loves you to the moon and back

Dear the kid in my french class,
I am pretty sure you were my first crush.
I was weird. You were weireder.
We were cute.
Love,
Maya
"Your ex-crush"

Dear Blonde,
Just ask her out.
Please.
It would make my life easier.
Love,
The friend who hates single friends.

Dear Mountain Man,
You need a wife. Not a girl, a wife.
Get one.
Love,
Maya

Dear Charlie,
We all get happiness from your letters.
Just a few more days!
Love,
Your dear friend.

The Story of The Girl

I thought it was well time I told my full life story or testimony.

I've left out important details on here before mostly because I was ashamed of things like my parents being divorced. But I am not ashamed of the life the Lord saved, so here it goes:

My father was a missionary who never graduated college but felt the calling to move to Africa. My mother was a Jewish girl in nursing school. They met while Dad visited New York, where Mom was at college. They married 9 months after meeting and moved to Africa. There my sister Emily and my brother Jeremy were born. After J's birth they talked about moving back to the states because my father was suffering back health problems. On the way, Dad got really sick and they were stuck in Europe and he ended up recovering in Romania. There, I was born.

I had two younger siblings--Josh and Rachael--while living in Europe. I spent a lot of my early childhood doing missions and working in a hospital with Mom in Romania until me finally moved back to the states so we could go to public school. I was in 1st grade. We moved about twice every year (pretty much to wherever Dad could get a job) and I was a pretty lonely little girl. My Dad and Mom divorced when I was nine, which broke my heart to pieces. Along with that I'd grown up around a lot of death in the hospital in Romania and moving around often I was told, "Nothing ever lasts." I was bitter, disbelieving, and burring inside. Especially when my mom remarried a year later. Later on she would have Willie, my youngest brother.

Without my Dad, I sadly never heard the gospel much growing up.

One big part of my life was my sister who was not seeking the Lord at that point. She was very involved in relationships with boys even at the age of 14. Emily was and still is the beauty of the family and could easily get someone to get out with her or to sleep with her. I didn't understand all this at the time, but I did understand some when Emily got pregnant one week after her 16th birthday. I wanted to keep it and persuaded Emily to keep the child. She did and named him Calvin. To this day he is a blessing.

When Emily was almost 18 (trust me...there's a point in telling you all this) she went to a retreat and were able to hear the Gospel for the first time and Em was saved. I saw a radical change in her life, from breaking up with her boyfriend, to the way she treated our family, to the way she mothered her son. It made me wonder.

I was 13 and Emily kept sharing the Gospel with me. But I didn't listen and continued to live for myself. She made me go to Church one Sunday. Then she made me go to a youth retreat with her. I did because I couldn't help desiring what Em had. One of the nights I suddenly felt a deep burden of guilt I could not describe. I felt a fire and a rushing wind upon my back and I was shaking in fear. For the first time, I was certain there was a God but I knew I was not worthy of Him. The next day I told Emily this and once more she shared the Good News with me. I was overwhelmed and cried. That night I called upon His mighty name to wash my new with the blood.

I couldn't believe He would be kind to me, a sinner. He would die for me, a sinner. For I had broken almost all of God's law. I was a girl of morals growing up and taught that "If I was good, good things came." But the truth was I to be eternally damned to hell and eternal suffering. I was dead in my sin. I was simply a thing of this world to fade away. I, along with all, deserve hell.
But God, being rich in mercy called me to be a disciple of him. I was naked but he clothed me in righteousness and I now I follow him with all of me.

It's been 5 and half  years since that day when the Lord called me to be His. And I have been through a lot since but everyday my joy of Christ my Lord been as great. Because He loves me I want to live the rest of my life porclaiming to others this love. Oh, that I, a sinner may cry Hallelujah! What kind of a love is this?

Well, you know. Just another GIVEAWAY

In order to make these terrible back-to-school weeks better (haha...I have none...) I'm throwing a little giveaway over here at Efflorescence. Two prizes. Two Winners. One week. Enter right now!

//Prize One// Brown and Red Earrings from Fancy and Funky Jewelry Shop.


//Prize Two// A mega Blog Design from Maya Moore Graphic Design.

To Enter:
// Must be a follower of Efflorescence.
and
//Do one of the following: Blog about it, tweet it, share on FB, follow me on twitter, follow the Graphic Design site.

Comment with each entry. Have fun! Please share the word!

Being Real (a guest post by Neeley)

Maya's Note: This is a guest post by a girl who can truly write. Visit her newer blog here and please follow. She is an amazing girl and responded eagarly when I asked her to post.

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"things that say a lot about people:

the way which they treat the waiter/waitress

how they feel about the weather

whether they dog ear pages or highlight in books

fingernails

and hands in general

their preferred creative outlet

how much they dread/enjoy talking on the phone

whether or not they drink coffee

if they ever forget to eat

how honest they are with themselves (and others)

if they correct your grammar

and whether or not they get nervous before haircuts (via here)"

So, In order that you might tell a little about me and the things that tell a lot about me, here I shall tell.

I treat the waiter how they seem to want to be treated. If they talk much, so will I. If they seem like they don't want to me there, I won't push it. Honestly I'm never too social or talkative with one. because I'm usually interested in the person with me. But I always try to be polite, because I feel sorry for someone like that.

I love the weather, whether rainy or sunny. As much as it can ruin plans, there's always a time to rejoice in whatever the skies drop upon us. Where I live, it never snows so I love when that happens sometimes. That's how I feel about the weather.

I don't highlight or dog ear. I underline with pencils in school books, underline in different colored pens in my bible, and for other books I just wear them out and tear them to pieces with love.

Fingernails bring me distress. To start, I hate having my fingernails painted. I love having my toes painted but my fingers get all chipped and ruined so quick. And it annoys me to have them painted because I look at them constantely and see the mistakes. Plus, it's impossible to paint my left hand.

Hands are interesting things. I enjoy mine free of jewely, minue my promise ring. I like them covered in lotion. Personally, the greaest use of hands is holding someone elses, but that day for me has not come yet and won't for years.

My perfered creative outlet would be writing. Art is too messy for me. Or maybe I'm too messy to make good art. Writing is art. Writing is feelings. Writing is stories. It's thoughts captured on paper and written with joy.

I will be honest. I have a case of Telephobia. I hate talking on the phone. It's the worst thing in the entire world. When I do, it freaks me out and try to stay calm but it's impossible. I really don't feel comfortable doing it. Text me instead, please or talk to me face-to-face.

I drink coffee and ltos of it. When I went to Poland this summer I started. One, because european coffee i good and I spent half the trip in coffee shops. Two, Because I was running on little energy because I knew I could sleep at home.

I never forget to eat, unless I am sleeping or on vacation.

I try to be, but the half the time I fail at being honest with myself. But there are times where I have to drill in my mind the truth. Being a Christian, I think it's easier to know the truth because anything bad has so much hope. I try to be honest with others and I truly am 99.9 of the time.

I'll correct your grammar if it's one of my grammar pet peeves. And being the writing geek I am, yes I have grammar pet peeves.

I don't get nervous before haircuts. Mainly because my Mom has cut my hair over the past few years just to keep it healthly. You don't even nodice it. Recently I got 5 inches cut off and I felt a tad bit nervous afterword because I was like "what if people hate this?" But no one really nodiced ( my hairs wavy so it's hard to tell) and the few who did loved it.

I guess that was a crazy guest post, just writing about me. But it's what came to mind.
If you've read my blog, I guess you've learned some more.
if not, it's nice to meet you.

I"m Neeley. Check more out at Run Free.

And I'll Remember Forever...

Something I've learned recently is every memory is linked with a feeling. That's how we revisit those feelings, that's how we remember. For with each second that passes, we treasure up bits of that moment. And when we feel those some feelings once more, we remember. That's we hate remembering someone we lost, because that pang of love is too great for us to bear because it can't be fulfilled. The same way a memory can be pain, it can be sweet.

Because in this life, we yearn desperately for the past. We yearn for happiness and we yearn for truth. I think that's because we can be so overwhelmed by today all we want is a place where we knew we were once happy.

Today I was browsing through some old pictures and found myself weeping. I saw a picture of the home I missed, of the couple I hadn't seen in years, of the setting sun in New York, of the waves against the shore, of the friend that was gone, and of the girl I used to be. I wanted those times back. I was truly happy then.

All I want is to go back and look at that shore one last time, and take in that memory. I'd want to live in that forever if I could. But life goes on. It never stops. Every moment will one day be a memory. So all I have is to treasure it all up.

Because I can't go back.

Ever.

So instead of living for a life that is gone beyond my fingers, I must learn to live for this moment. But it's so hard when this moment is always changing each day. It's impossible to live entirely today. AS I treasure those memories, I can learn lessons for today.

I will learn to live for today, but I'll always remember forever.

Smiles, Maya

Fight, Don't Wait

It was the message we all heard.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Prince Charming is coming.

So, wait.

As a freshman in highschool I remember being told, "The reason God doesn't give someone is because we are just not ready. When we are ready, He'll give out future husband to us."
I was told, again and again that there is a guy out there perfect for me.

This is all one big lie.

Don't take me wrong, just listen.

We all have heard this lie, whether in Youth Group or from our Moms. And half the time it leads to girls in their twenties broken and hurt because Mr. Perfect hasn't come along and swept them off their feet. They've prayed and waited their whole life for this man. And he isn't here. And they wait. And wait. Annnnddddd wait.

So many times I've heard:

"I'm not giving everything to God."
"I don't love my own family enough."
"I am sadisfied in God enough."
"I should love the Lord more."
"When I'm ready, he'll come."

It's lies. Lies of performance. Our performance of how much we serve and love Christ is not going to give us a spouse.

Waiting for a husband can wreck our view of Christ easily.

Christ isn't giving husbands to all the mature girls and holding for the ones who are not ready.

If I could go throw away all the blog posts, facebook posts, and books telling girls "When your ready, your Prince will come." I would.

I'd replace it all with two giant words, Love Jesus.

The Bible never promises us that a perfect man is on it's way. It just calls us to love our God.

Sure, a lot of girls have a spouse waiting for them. I am blessed with an amazing guy I am courting who I hope to wed one day.

But right now all we're called to is to Love our Christ. Sure, we'll want a husband, we'll lust, you'll want sex. But He is not the focus right now in our years of singleness. Christ is. Instead of waiting around for someone who might not exisit, simply fight against the lies of this world.

Your heart might be broken, you might fall. The enemy will tempt you. But FIGHT. And if God gives you a husband to help you in this fight, then that is a huge blessing. But instead of expecting, wonderings, and crying over waiting. Just Love Jesus wherever that may lead you. And Fight.

 It's a wait, too. I myself wear a purity ring. This life is just a battlefield and we're bound with lies that we have to be a certain person for a spouse to come along. We don't. We should just look to the cross, living a cross-centered life.

Smiles, Maya

A Girl Talks Fashion (Fall 2012)

 

 

 

 

I've been collecting a snippit of my most favorite photos of fashion. ^^
Fall is my abosolute favorite time for Fashion in the world.

It's the dark browns, the dark oranges. The leggings, the boots. The coats. The jeans and sweaters.

Gosh, I love fall fashion.

Fashion is a word that brings mixed feelings for me. When I was sixteen,
it was like the bomb. Now. it's more of a love that I go in and out of. I have decided that through the Cardigan Empire Color Theory, I am a Warm and Rich: Deep Autumn when it comes to style.

Brillant, huh?

A Short Post with an Adorable Puppy at the End

Sometimes I don't understand. Often, I am confused. Often, I cry. I never seem to understand. But today I am happy. Today I understand. Today is beautiful. God is good. He is always good and everyday with Him is the best day of my life.

And that's all I have to say today.

So I leave you with this...