Heartbreaks

My life lately has been a flood of changes. My heart has been in a million pieces. I've felt if I can't breathe. It's so hard. I've  been struck by the fact that you never know what you have until you lose it. I've gone through a hard time trusting God but have realized with a big sadness, there is no going back. But you know, it's not ever the end. So I guess I better go ahead and spit it out.Thursday evening my best friend since birth, Lauren died. Died. Lauren was the girl I shared my dreams with, the person I laughed and cried with, the girl who knew every guy I loved, the girl who was there when I became a christian, the girl that was there when I was bullied in 1st grade, the girl who stood up for me, the girl who i wanted to be my maid of honor at my wedding. That girl. Usually when I am going through something, I call her. But I can't now in the saddest of all my times.

I've flown into Nashville for her Funreal and am sitting in my sisters apartment, crying. It's hard to think of all the dreams we had together. her brother gave me her journal where every dream me and her had. The awkward stories when we were freshmans, the silly giggles, and the serious romances. All that is gone. I was reading one of the cards she gave me on my birthday, which read,
"Me and you--we are now 15! That's like half of 30 and old. I can remember when we were five, giggling about silly boys. Imagine ourselves when were twenty! Life is so uncertain and exctiting. A beautiful story. Our futures are going to  be great and I can just Imagine that all your dreams will come true!"
That's the kinda friend she was. It breaks my heart that lauren will never live to be even 20.
But sometimes my tears are not just saddness.
They can be joy.
Joy that Lauren was a christian. She's with Christ now! And my time is short and soon I'll join her. Oh, God, your mighty to save. I'm overcome by your glory. You gave and take away. You gave me Lauren for so long and now she's gone. But to die is to gain. Oh, He has always been faithful to me!

I was reading my bible this morning when a sticky note fell out, where I had wrote the lyrics to the song, "He's Always been faithful." Nothing was more encouraging as I read those words.

I am not to the point where I can really let go just yet, but in time I will. Because I will dance in the rain and find the beauty in this storm. But there is a time for dancing and a time for mourning. This is one of those moments of sadness.

Because Lauren was my faithful friend. She was silly. She could play the piano with such a beauty and grace I cannot say. She was a women of grace. She loved life and laughter. She loved Jesus. She was open to anyone and never thought of herself. She was a light to this world and I want to follow her. She loved pineapple. She loved fiction and sat wars movies. She was romantic and I followed her example, because she was really good at dealing with crushes. She came to see me every summer and spring break at the beach and some weekends. She emailed me almost every day or called me. I loved her.

So, go and pick out a few places in Heaven we can hang out, girl. Because I can't wait to get there too.

I can say That God has always been faithful to me.

Love, Me

Dear October,
After that nice post I wrote about you, it seems I have realized with sad tears, your almost gone. Gone until..next year. Oh, the sadness! Well, I'll just have to bare through November. Sad sigh.
Love, Me.

fall by aroseinbloom
Dear Meg,
I realized this fall break you and my brother were really meant to be. Gasp, this is really hard. Your a wonderful girl and everything but he's my brother! My Jeremy and best friend. Please make sure you guys never go too far away and let me babysit you kiddos.
Love, me

Dear amazing crush,
Do you want to go to paris with me? Please say yes!
Love, me.

Paris by me by aroseinbloom

October

It's October. That finally fall month. The month you groan each time you pass by a store covered in yucky Halloween decorations. That month you start thinking about what you want to get people for Christmas. That month you start to wonder about when thanksgiving's coming. That season where you finally give up trips to the beach or wearing shirt shirts and tank tops. That Season where you sadly give up That season where you start to get board with the school year and turn to the movies of the year, Polyvore, or Pintrest for entertainment. That season where the fall colors is a great place to go and meditate on the Spirit.
Currently I am doing a person study on the book of Joel. Who knew that little unknown book could be so wonderful?

Life's beautiful by aroseinbloom
Planning this dream outfit on Polyvore is pretty sweet. I have to say brown is currnetly my color. Oh, clothes and fashion which are brown captivates my heart.

My life is literature by aroseinbloom

What are your thoughts on Life this October?
 
Maya

The story of me, Maya

                                                                         {via pintrest}

I was writing in my Journal yesterday when I realized someone reading those words would think I have a boring life. Just ramblings about friends, family, church, guys, and life. Yeah, typical stuff. Writing awkward moments and every conversation with my crush. Dreams. Faliures.
But I don't have a boring life.
Someone who could have that thought that was wrong.
I don't have a boring life. It's my story. These people, events, these stories. They make me who I am. They shape me. Mold me into the women I am becoming. These friends are the girls I want to share me christian walk with. These men are the men I want to be the leaders in my church.
These times are the beginning of a story. The story of me. Every christian has a story like this with a glorious ending.
Even me. Even you.

So this is my story. This blog is filled with my words. My heart. My Savior.

I was born as a missionary kid in Romania. I moved to Tennessee. Then South Carolina. I have five siblings. I love my God. I adore my Life. yeah, this is me.  Hello, reality.

He Said Go

Somewhere in the world a little boy is crying himself to sleep because he is starving.

Somewhere in the world, Muslim people daily worship pagan gods.

Somewhere in North Korea, you can't be a Christian but have to worship the prime minister.

Somewhere in New York City, a college student commits suicide.

Somewhere in the USA, a 16 year old girl discovers she's pregnantt by a guy who lied to her by saying he loved her.

This is reality.

It's depressing, but it's really going on. Now.

So are you going to do something about it?

Before Jesus went back to heaven he spoke these words:
 ¹⁶ Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. ¹⁷ When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. ¹⁸ Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

He said go. Pass it on. Preach it to the nations. Tell the lost people about God.


Yes, He said go.

Speaking Now.

Taylors swifts most recent CD, Speak Now, is a collection of letters she never sent and made them into songs. Taylor Saids:

'Speak now or forever hold your peace,' the words said by preachers at the end of wedding ceremonies all over the world, right before the vows. It's a last chance for protest, a moment that makes everyone's heart race, and a moment I've always been strangely fascinated by. So many fantasize about bursting into a church, saying what they'd kept inside for years like in the movies. In real life, it rarely happens.

Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I've begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything.

I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life, and looking back regretting the moments we didn't speak up. When we didn't say 'I love you.' When we should've said 'I'm sorry.' When we didn't stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help.

   These songs are made up of words I didn't say when the moment was right in front of me. These songs are open letters. Each is written with a specific person in mind, telling them what I meant to tell them in person. To the beautiful boy whose heart I broke in December. To my first love who I never thought would be my first heartbreak. To my band. To a mean man I used to be afraid of. To someone who made my world very dark for a while. To a girl who stole something of mine. To someone I forgive for what he said in front of the whole world.



These are my letters to family, friends, mentors, and boys who never heard what I have to say:


Dear Margret,
You have not only inspired me to be a better wife and mother but a Godly women, You are a beuatiful example of biblical womenhood. I love your family so much and you have meant so much to me and my sisters. We thank you. We love you.

Dear Emily,
Your my sister. My Best friend. My favorite person in the whole wide world. You make me smile whether we are cooking, laughing, hanging out, drinking coffee, or snuggling together and sharing deep secrets. Girl, you will always have a perfect place in my heart and soul. You mean a lot to me. I wish you still lived in my room with me, but now you live hundreds and thousdans of miles away, but it's always an excue for a road trip. I love, love, love you.

Dear Lauren,
You have been my faithful friend for over 10 years. We've both been through our first loves, first heart breaks, conversions, and those first scary teen years together. I Wish I could tell you what a wreck I would be without your shoulder to cry on or your words of biblical adivice. I know wherever I go, I'll always call you at night so I know someone is there for me.

Dear Guy with Beautiful eyes,
Please stay there for me. I don't care if you've seen my most embaressing moments or the awkward smiles we exchange. I really don't care about the time I slipped in front of you. that's because you've always smiled at me and made everything in the world better. You like to make me smile and that makes me warm inside. Just promise one day we can cuddle under a fleece blanket by the fire together under mistletoe.

Dear Someone,
We should talk. I can never really see you and me  working out but maybe. Just keep the quitar playing and maybe the music will cause me to start dancing.


Thanks all for now, but I soon will be returning.
You can speak now too! just comment and share your link.

He's that Mighty



Picture not be me. hehe.


What A Mighty, amazing LORD we serve! He's majesty surronds me. I am Amazed. He is glorious. Oh, yes, our God is mighty to save. His Love is great. I love him only because he first loved me.
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Lately in my Christian walk, i have been struck by a fact. The fact God controlls my life and is soverign over all. God is Providence. Yet there are still drunkards, crimnals, and murderers. There is still sin. But it's all part of his great plan. Another part of his mighty plan is that He sant his son to die so that we might live. He died, took our burdens, for us.

I believe God rules all by his divine providence and that the stars by his permission are instruments. William Lilly

And everything is a part of his plan. These are the words you should mediatate on.

Music

Once there was a little girl who loved the piano. She loved singing. She adored guitars. Her piano teacher said she loved music way too much. She disagreed. She kept on playing for the glory of her Beloved Savior.

Yes, That girl is me.

I love music.

I hear the music.

music is not just something I do. It's what I do. it's a piece of me. It's my song.

I collect vintage sheet music. It's amazing.

Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them!
~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Listen. Can you hear it? The music. I can hear it everywhere. In the wind… in the air… in the light. It’s all around us. All you have to do is open yourself up. All you have to do … is listen.--August Rush

Being Myself

{all photos via Pintrest}


Being myself is the new theme of my blog. I mean pourng out myself into this blog. Sharing the sunny and rainy days. Sharing the dreams and reality's. Sharing it all. My relationship with my savior will also be what I blog about. It's what I have been sharing in this blog, but I kinda want more reality in this blog. More serious posts about life, love, and God. More random moments. More real Maya.

There has been multiply times I visit a blog and can tell they are copying someone elses blog. I don't want my blog to be a copy. I want it to be my blog. I'm not going to post recipes because cooking isn't really my big thing. I'm not big into showing personal pictures of myself and my family.

I love vintage stuff. I love my Savior. I love purity. I love books. I love movies. maybe a few tags.These are a few things I post about.

The seasons are my favorite thing to post about. fall, winter, spring, and summer.

I never wanted to be different; I just wanted to be me.-anonymous
You were born an original. Don’t become a copy-anonymous
If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.-anonymous

I want to be me. This is my blog. So hello. Welcome to changes.

Fall Break

Listening to The One Thing I Have Left by Hawk Nelson

yes, I had the best fall break of my life.

Beginning with a trip to the beach after school on friday, It was amazing. On Saturday Morning me and Jeremy got in the car and drove all the way to Nashville. It was intense. A whole car ride with my crazy brother. Yes, it was fun. Very epic(there I go again!). It was a car ride of old sibling laughter, music, and listening to sermons.

 On the way we had starbucks. It's the most wonderful thing.

I like the fields of corn.

My sister lives in down town Nashville, where we had loads of fun. Nights of going down cuty streets and listening to country music. I love my sister. I also got to visit my BFF, Sophie.

Then we headed down to knoxville where Megan (the girl my brother is courting :)) lives. She's beautiful and let is stay with us. She's sweet and doesn't attend college but stays at home and works. I love her and I hope this whole thing with her and Jeremy works.

P.S. Hazel Ann is a new author of the blog. She will be posting from time-to-time.

MAYA

Fall Break

I'm on fall break. I'm in Tennessee. So while my sis hang, I might be somewhat gone from this blog until monday. Just bare with me and check back soon.

Love, Love, Love,
Maya

Dear Boys,

Note: New blog design? LOVE! Dear guy with blue eyes,I'm thinking we should dance in the moonlight next time we're together. Just saying, Maya  Dear Grant,Don't come near me because I will slap you hard.Don't test me,Maya Dear Adam Young,Please sing Vanilla Twilight to me at twilight and make me happy.Love,Maya Dear P,We've never met, but I see your face every day. Please say hello,Maya Dear William,I'm perfectly content if nothing ever happened between us, but...whoever gets you is lucky,Maya Dear Brother,Treat her well or I'll go mad. She's...my friend,Maya  Dear werdio,I'm seeing the way you look at my friend. Don't,Maya Dear future husband,I want to say, I love you. There I said it. love,Me Dear Blonde Crush of 5 years,I want you to know, wherever you end up, I'll be with you. Love,Maya While we are at it, I'll tell you my boy stories. You see, My first crush was in first grade. he has light brown hair and had lost his two front teeth. I loved him. I would place notes in his cubby at school. Then...well that stopped with he moved away. Crush number 2 was in third grade. Music nerd, basketball player, weird. anyway he left me permently starstruck whenever we met. I lost intrest in him and then he moved away also. I was crush-less til I was twelve when I nodiced him. I mean he's always been there but never had I thought of him like that. I mean I began to dream and soon enough I loved him. Tall, blonde, hazel-eyed, funny, dorky, and manly. There...I said it. I would practically not breath when we spoke. Then he saved my life on a hike. This crush lasted a long time...until I was 15. One night he walked me to my cabin at a youth retreat and I realized I couldn't love him because he was 17 and going to college. So I tried not to like him for two years. This year I liked this one guy for a short amount of time and then relized a few days ago that I never gave really gave up on that one Hazel-eyed guy. Strange story. So therefore I pray and wait until someone asks me to court.  MAYA   

On Bended Knee

"If I could hear Christ praying for me in the next room, I would not fear a million enemies. Yet distance makes no difference. He is praying for me.” (Robert Murray McCheyne)

 Prayer is something we often neglect but I feel strongly about. I love prayer. Praying can get you deep in your realtionship with God. We don't have to pray, but God delights when we pray.

 “One day George Mueller began praying for five of his friends. After many months, one of them came to the Lord. Ten years later, two others were converted. It took 25 years before the fourth man was saved. Mueller persevered in prayer until his death for the fifth friend, and throughout those 52 years he never gave up hoping that he would accept Christ! His faith was rewarded, for soon after Mueller’s funeral the last one was saved.”

"Eighteen-year-old Hudson Taylor wandered into his father's library and read a gospel tract. He couldn't shake off its message. Finally, falling to his knees, he accepted Christ as his Savior. Later, his mother, who had been away, returned home. When Hudson told her the good news, she said, "I already know. Ten days ago, the very date on which you tell me you read that tract, I spent the entire afternoon in prayer for you until the Lord assured me that my wayward son had been brought into the fold."

So In faith, pray.

"'Have faith in God,' Jesus answered. 'I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, "Go, throw yourself into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins'" (Mark 11:22-25).

"And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it" (John 14:13-14).

Weddings

There is something special about a wedding. Something lovely. It's place where you feel God bringing two people together. Something beautiful. Last March, my sister Emily got married and I was able to see a wedding up close and personal. I've been to hundreds of weddings but this one was different. It was two people I know super well.

"Love bears all things, believes all thing, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." -- I Corinthians 13:7-8

My sister was excited and anxious. She wore this beautiful modest dress which would make anybody smile. Her smile made me smile. The colors were light blue and brown, some of my favorites. I was one of her bridesmaids. I loved the flowers, which were a mixture of wid-flowers. Everything was Vintage and Perfect.

Dance through life with me - the best is yet to be.

My favorite memory from the say was the fact I want down the aisle barefoot because my shoes were too small. It was "Very Maya," so saids my mother.

I think any wedding you go make you wander what your own wedding will have in store. Who will be there, and what you'll be like then.

Meanwhile, my life is pretty typical. Just school, work and life. Tonight is Family night so I will probably post about that later.

{picture by me}